Alright. The night duty was finally over. And I was so tired I just K.O. the moment I handed over my duties to the next shift. Lol. Didn't realise that I had slept for so long until upstairs woke me up. Hey, must thank me afterall kae, coz I was being the nice one to keep awake and alert the whole night, just so as to ensure that the job is being done while the others doing with me could catch some winks. But seriously man, felt like I had aged quite a lot for the serious lack of sleep. Didn't do much at home just now as well, but to simply recover from the extreme need of lala land. Oh wells. 3 more! Just 3 more and this thing will finally be over! Erm, at least, for this week man!
It can be quite depressing sometimes, thinking why am I in all this shit when others could be enjoying their life! Hai. The only consolation I can get for now is the mere fact that my position for the duty is the best out of all the places they could have placed me. And of course, plus points for being able to see my favourite big birds in the sky! (I'm trying to be very indirect here, coz I'm really not allowed to reveal what I'm doing, or where I'm doing it. Oh wells. You go figure!) But then, all this will not last, for I'm merely just a spare, replacing someone who's on leave at the moment. He will be back tomorrow, and so I wonder where will I be positioned next. Hopefully I'll get a good spot still. Best is to still remain at where I am now la!
At least I can say that I'm rather blessed with the people I'm with right now. Convincing myself that I'm the only one going through all this nonsense. There are people out there, obviously my bty mates, who have to endure such crap just like me. Plus they are really more optimistic people than I myself can be. So at least I'm with the right company at the moment, and that more or less helps greatly towards me fighting it! I just really cannot wait for it to be over. Want to go out again, like real soon, and meet up with people whom I haven't met for the longest period of time! Oh wells. Gotta get ready to book in now for tmr's duty once again. May it be over quickly. Till then.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
K.O.
Tired. Beyond words.
I don't have much time to blog. All I can say now is the fatigue level is way overwhelming. I barely reached home 16 hours ago, and now I have to make my way back to camp ago. Ultimate sian. I hope I survive tonight's duty man. Bless me! :S
I don't have much time to blog. All I can say now is the fatigue level is way overwhelming. I barely reached home 16 hours ago, and now I have to make my way back to camp ago. Ultimate sian. I hope I survive tonight's duty man. Bless me! :S
Saturday, March 22, 2008
So Not Enjoyable
Slept the whole afternoon away. Damn it. Regretting greatly now, coz my time in the civilised world is very much limited at the moment. Hai. I don't get to enjoy this long weekend unlike everyone else, coz I have to book in for the dreaded guard duty tomorrow. Extremely sianified. Arghz. Wasting more of my precious time doing crap for the TPO. I hate it man!
And then coupled with the fact that I will not be able to book out coz of TPO activities next week, I'm very much more irritated right now. It's like extreme confinement can?! Gonna take such a long time before I can finally use the comp again. Probably 2 full weeks, excluding night's out which I hope they would give generously this time. Hai. Thinking all about this simply just depresses me. Oh wells. Suck thumb and endure. Hopefully this 2 weeks will pass by quickly. Till then.
And then coupled with the fact that I will not be able to book out coz of TPO activities next week, I'm very much more irritated right now. It's like extreme confinement can?! Gonna take such a long time before I can finally use the comp again. Probably 2 full weeks, excluding night's out which I hope they would give generously this time. Hai. Thinking all about this simply just depresses me. Oh wells. Suck thumb and endure. Hopefully this 2 weeks will pass by quickly. Till then.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Hitting Rock Bottom
Never expected this very emotion to strike at me once again. It has been such a long time since I had been attacked by this emotion, and after much struggling, overcame it, thinking that I had managed to build up a strong immunity against it. I guess I am wrong. I allowed myself to fall into the trap that I myself have personally crafted. The best part is all of it simply happened unknowingly. And so now I fear. I fear that I might just lose control of this whole battle once again, coz succumbing to it would require more than just normal strength to recover. It happened before, I wish it will not happen again.
I know that if I can still type all of the above, I'm quite alright now. But this very emotion, once it starts inside me, I cannot just say 'STOP' and it simply ends there. It simply keeps going on and on, until a point when it could go no further, then can I act on it and fight back. Yes, I'm being very melodramatic over here. Can't help myself. Hai.
All I can say is that with past experiences of this battle, I must act now, and act fast upon detecting the symptoms of this emotion! For one, I'm quite decided on arranging some interview sessions with my upstairs. I guess I have to find someone whom I can trust well to commute my innermost views with. Especially when I'm referring to the all-too-sensitive TPO. And then I got to start finding stuff that could probably improve my situation lest it gets all too bad. Like that 'smile' thing my class gave me in 06. Oh man, I seriously love it!! It's a picture with photos of my friends smiling, with that logo for the IMF 06 Smile Singapore thing on it, and then getting me to smile! It's the sweetest thing Gloree and Berns did for me! Ha. Even thinking about it now makes me feel happier. Last but not least, get the contact numbers ready in case it goes beyond control.
It's inevitable that the battle must happen all over again. I shan't comment on the outcome. Wish me luck! :(
Depression: Psychiatry. a depression so severe as to be considered abnormal, either because of no obvious environmental causes, or because the reaction to unfortunate life circumstances is more intense or prolonged than would generally be expected.
It's obvious TPO is causing all of this nonsense!!!
I know that if I can still type all of the above, I'm quite alright now. But this very emotion, once it starts inside me, I cannot just say 'STOP' and it simply ends there. It simply keeps going on and on, until a point when it could go no further, then can I act on it and fight back. Yes, I'm being very melodramatic over here. Can't help myself. Hai.
All I can say is that with past experiences of this battle, I must act now, and act fast upon detecting the symptoms of this emotion! For one, I'm quite decided on arranging some interview sessions with my upstairs. I guess I have to find someone whom I can trust well to commute my innermost views with. Especially when I'm referring to the all-too-sensitive TPO. And then I got to start finding stuff that could probably improve my situation lest it gets all too bad. Like that 'smile' thing my class gave me in 06. Oh man, I seriously love it!! It's a picture with photos of my friends smiling, with that logo for the IMF 06 Smile Singapore thing on it, and then getting me to smile! It's the sweetest thing Gloree and Berns did for me! Ha. Even thinking about it now makes me feel happier. Last but not least, get the contact numbers ready in case it goes beyond control.
It's inevitable that the battle must happen all over again. I shan't comment on the outcome. Wish me luck! :(
Depression: Psychiatry. a depression so severe as to be considered abnormal, either because of no obvious environmental causes, or because the reaction to unfortunate life circumstances is more intense or prolonged than would generally be expected.
It's obvious TPO is causing all of this nonsense!!!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
2 Hours Nights Out
Time just have to trickle by so quickly when you are in need of it, and yet crawls like a snail when you do not require it. Isn't that just so damn irritating?!
I must learn to write more coherently!!
I must learn to write more coherently!!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Plagued by extreme fatigue, the mind seems to be sending inconsistent compulsive signals throughout the entire body, creating a hell load of havoc for me. Chest pains, legs ache, muscle fatigue, headaches; you name it, I seem to have it. I doubt I can last any longer. Such huge stress accumulation, they look like they are going to just explode, and that's when I will really give in, and just break down totally. Right now, I am still trying my very best to endure. Squeezing the maximum out of my already overclocked body mechanism. Yet I can sense the tipping point nearing, and I wonder what will happen when it arrives. Hai.
I only booked in for 3 days, but never felt so tired and irritated before. Suddenly, TPO implemented so many new rules into our daily lives. Suddenly, they all become strict or even harsh towards us. Suddenly, they created so much nonsense just so as to keep us busy all the time and not give us any moment to slack. Suddenly, they are just treating us like newcomers, rather than the respect they use to give. Talking about respect, my blood simply boils! WTH! If you want me to respect you, you have to earn it. Demand it in such a manner, I will only give you the bare minimum those stripes on your arms or shoulders could ask for. And dare you to say that I've not done my job when I always give my 100% effort towards every task I'm being assigned to. If in any case, I'm very sure that an external party would say I deserve more than what you do! Freaking idiots!
Sorry about the ranting. I shall stop. Hai. The sudden changes in treatment simply disgust me absolutely. So much so that I've lost my appetite during meal times. Just couldn't eat well. And could sense myself growing weaker. Arghz. I think a major reason for the lost of appetite is also because of the fact that the food is inedible 90% of the time. Oh wells. I just hope the food standard can improve alright! :S
Nothing much to say. Not in a very good mood. Especially since I have to book in tonight for my re-shoot tomorrow. Totally sianified. But still, I seriously hope I will pass. Don't ask for much, just give me a pass and I'd be more than glad please. Hope tomorrow's weather will be good, no rain please! Oh wells. Wish me great luck.
I only booked in for 3 days, but never felt so tired and irritated before. Suddenly, TPO implemented so many new rules into our daily lives. Suddenly, they all become strict or even harsh towards us. Suddenly, they created so much nonsense just so as to keep us busy all the time and not give us any moment to slack. Suddenly, they are just treating us like newcomers, rather than the respect they use to give. Talking about respect, my blood simply boils! WTH! If you want me to respect you, you have to earn it. Demand it in such a manner, I will only give you the bare minimum those stripes on your arms or shoulders could ask for. And dare you to say that I've not done my job when I always give my 100% effort towards every task I'm being assigned to. If in any case, I'm very sure that an external party would say I deserve more than what you do! Freaking idiots!
Sorry about the ranting. I shall stop. Hai. The sudden changes in treatment simply disgust me absolutely. So much so that I've lost my appetite during meal times. Just couldn't eat well. And could sense myself growing weaker. Arghz. I think a major reason for the lost of appetite is also because of the fact that the food is inedible 90% of the time. Oh wells. I just hope the food standard can improve alright! :S
Nothing much to say. Not in a very good mood. Especially since I have to book in tonight for my re-shoot tomorrow. Totally sianified. But still, I seriously hope I will pass. Don't ask for much, just give me a pass and I'd be more than glad please. Hope tomorrow's weather will be good, no rain please! Oh wells. Wish me great luck.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Crap
Seems like I have forgotten about this place! Ha. I think I should do some blogging. So here I am! :)
Alright. It has been quite some time since I last blogged. Indeed, quite a lot, no, seriously A LOT has happened over the past 2 weeks, such that the lethargy has engulfed me so badly I cannot bring myself to even a construct a proper sentence. (Then again, you can also say I'm just plain lazy to pen my thoughts down at the moment. Haha!) Most of what has happened, I choose not to write it down afterall, coz you know, it consists of sensitive topics which are related to the TPO. And I obviously don't wish to be apprehanded just because I'm being truthful about those happenings. Haha.
Anyway, if you are wondering what's TPO, it's actually short for The Prestige Organisation. The name came to me some days ago, as I was trying to find a good substitute for the word Ah-mee. Yup. I think it sounds much better, and shouldn't get me into much trouble should I decide to blog about it. Especially with recent issues and that TPO consistently reminding us not to write anything about it, I think TPO is just such a good disguise for it's original name here. Oh my, they should just begin to consider paying me for giving them such a great name substitute now, isn't it?!
So what has been going on over the past 2 weeks? Obviously nothing much, except the mundane lifestyle in TPO. Indeed, something has had happened, and you should know what is it!! The entire incident did cause a great disturbance towards the otherwise mundane lifestyle in the TPO, but then obviously such a disturbance isn't welcomed at all. Arghz. It's like so hard to read in between the lines already, furthermore trying to write in that manner. I give up. I shall just sum it up simply, didn't get to book out for long until just last Friday only! And if you are thinking why I have internet access at this point of the day, it's because I'm on 2 days off, till this very night at 2230. So yup. I was actually plain lazy to blog until this very day, when I could have done it yesterday, or the day before, or even on Saturday. Haha. But whatever.
I got nothing much to say actually. Tonnes of issues running through my head, and still many things that I wish to do but somehow just either cannot find time to accomplish them, or plain lazy to even begin. You can say I'm rather highly distressed at the moment. Oh wells. I'll write about them when I'm in a better position to do so next time. For now, let's just leave it this way. Till then.
This is absolutely a crappy post! :S
Alright. It has been quite some time since I last blogged. Indeed, quite a lot, no, seriously A LOT has happened over the past 2 weeks, such that the lethargy has engulfed me so badly I cannot bring myself to even a construct a proper sentence. (Then again, you can also say I'm just plain lazy to pen my thoughts down at the moment. Haha!) Most of what has happened, I choose not to write it down afterall, coz you know, it consists of sensitive topics which are related to the TPO. And I obviously don't wish to be apprehanded just because I'm being truthful about those happenings. Haha.
Anyway, if you are wondering what's TPO, it's actually short for The Prestige Organisation. The name came to me some days ago, as I was trying to find a good substitute for the word Ah-mee. Yup. I think it sounds much better, and shouldn't get me into much trouble should I decide to blog about it. Especially with recent issues and that TPO consistently reminding us not to write anything about it, I think TPO is just such a good disguise for it's original name here. Oh my, they should just begin to consider paying me for giving them such a great name substitute now, isn't it?!
So what has been going on over the past 2 weeks? Obviously nothing much, except the mundane lifestyle in TPO. Indeed, something has had happened, and you should know what is it!! The entire incident did cause a great disturbance towards the otherwise mundane lifestyle in the TPO, but then obviously such a disturbance isn't welcomed at all. Arghz. It's like so hard to read in between the lines already, furthermore trying to write in that manner. I give up. I shall just sum it up simply, didn't get to book out for long until just last Friday only! And if you are thinking why I have internet access at this point of the day, it's because I'm on 2 days off, till this very night at 2230. So yup. I was actually plain lazy to blog until this very day, when I could have done it yesterday, or the day before, or even on Saturday. Haha. But whatever.
I got nothing much to say actually. Tonnes of issues running through my head, and still many things that I wish to do but somehow just either cannot find time to accomplish them, or plain lazy to even begin. You can say I'm rather highly distressed at the moment. Oh wells. I'll write about them when I'm in a better position to do so next time. For now, let's just leave it this way. Till then.
This is absolutely a crappy post! :S
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