Sunday, July 29, 2007

Random

Arghz! Didn't get to use the com much this weekend. What a waste man, especially today! Can't believe I just allowed my precious time to trickle away at the Singtel Exhibition. Why had I even wanted to go there in the first place?! The queueing time was horrendously long, 3 long hours in total! If only I could have these hours to my com, man, I certainly would be a happier person typing this entry now. At least, I could have some fun with C&C! Oh wells.

Some entries that I had wanted to blog but didn't have the time to do it this weekend. It's still a rewarding one though, being able to be present for a number of outings and catch up with people that I have not seen for a long time. So, just a mental note to myself, 3 entries to be updated:

- Class Outing Yesterday (Saturday, 28/07/2007)
- Harry Potter and the end of the Saga :(
- Despising certain people :X

If only I don't have to book in. OR if only there are coms inside there for me to use. Whatever! Till then.

Murphy

Pessimism! But seriously, it's hard to be optimistic about such stuff. I know, I chose to be FA. Yet somehow in, well, you know, one should not hope for anything at all. It really all depends on your fate now, and your luck. Of course, also whether if your upstairs is in favour of you. Hence, as much as I wish to be in FA, I'm beginning the tough process of being mentally prepared for the worst. Which actually ain't much, coz it would just be FO, if not FA.

But I really want to become FA. Hai. At least if I can't get 8to5, would still want something that is less physically demanding! Fact is, I am just not physically incline! Whatever the amount of push ups or running won't make me stronger, especially with an already weaken immune system. Oh wells.

All that I can do now is not to think about it, and let the result reveal itself in a matter of days. Yet deep down, I'd still clinge on to that tiny hope left within me, and make me be an FA please!!

Whatever that you had wished for, it's always the opposite that happens
(so maybe I should wish to become FO)

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Weak

My health has succumbed to the common flu. AGAIN! Actually, I wouldn't even consider it to be flu, coz it's only just cough plus tonnes of phlegm. No fever or stuffy nose. Just that sickeningly irritating cough. However, it was through the week of activities, even if it's only some lessons in the air-conditioned lecture room, that had made me realise with full depth, the extent of feeble health.

Of course, I'm rather upset by it. People say I didn't take good care of my own health. That is so not true. Coz I did! Ever since I've gotten this cough (TekongCough), I have been dutifully avoiding all those heaty food, taking in tonnes of water, and also all the necessary nutrients/supplements that would aid in my body to battle the illness. Furthermore, I have been to the doctor countless number of times (4, to be exact) to obtain medication for further assistance. Obviously those medicine did not work. My health simply took on a roller coaster ride, recovering only 90% with medication, fall ill again soon after, recover yet again with medication and the "up-down" cycle goes on.

But why! Why only 90% recovery?! Why can't it be a full recovery! I remember getting medication in June for the 2nd time. The cough and phlegm (C&P) did reduce significantly, but not totally. Back then, I still hold some faith in the western medication, consuming all of the medicine that was given to me. Unfortunately the problem wasn't rectified entirely. I knew C&P would come back, and it did! 1st week into my new course, the C&P manifested my entire throat, causing me great discomfort. So I thought of natural healing, hoping that the body would be able to overcome the illness with only its own defense mechanisms. Obviously, that failed as well, with C&P triumphing and my body ailing further.

Back to the doctor again, with what seem to be the same medication as that obtained from the previous visit. By this time, I have already lost faith. I don't know why, at such a young age, I'm actually pumping in so much chemicals into my body. Chemicals that does not seem to be aiding my body in combating the illness. It makes me even more sick! Felt as though there is some sort of pollution going on inside there. What Weiqi said made so much sense. The medicine seem to simply just suppress the cough, without going on to the root of the problem. It's utterly superficial. Sighs.

So I got this whole bag of medication, hoping that it would help. The worse part was having to take them while the course is going on. The cough mixture causes drowsiness, yet I simply can't get the rest I desire. Which was why to survive this whole week was really a challenge. Taking the medicine at the start of the day, 0600hrs, simply dissolves whatever amount of rest that I'd accumulated over the night into nothingness. I would begin to lose the battle with my eyelids just immediately after breakfast. The worst thing is to keep awake during lessons, especially when what we are learning now is so difficult, and requires much attention in order to catch up with the instructors who seem to go at lightspeeds. Plus if I have no idea what's going on, when the test comes and I don't score, it means bidding farewell to my Saturdays. No way am I going to let that happen man!It's seriously tiring, and challenging my sanity as well!

And then I nearly lost it on Friday, due to the short run in the morning. For the first time, I realise C&P was indeed a great threat to my life. In the middle of the run, a whole mass of phlegm suddenly rushed up my throat and choked it. I was sprinting, and so you should know, the huge exchange of gases between my lungs and the external environment required. Yet all these just stopped without warning and I was left gasping for air. (Oh! As I am typing this portion, I sneezed, and a huge mass of phlegm flew out of my throat onto the floor. eew! LOL! -.-) I must say it was one horrible moment. I was frantically coughing real hard to clear my throat, and at the same time breathing hard to bring some air into my lungs. It felt like hell, felt as though I had lost it, like a near death experience. (I guess this is how asthmatic patients feel when they get an attack!) Oh man! For the rest of the day, I was real moody, extremely depressed over the pathetic state of my health. The big WHY kept coming, and I really wonder why am I the only one sick out of the 42 in my entire course?!! Sian.

Whatever it is, I am going to recover from it, someway, somehow! Of course, went to the doc for the 4th time. But I will ensure this is my last visit, and that my body recovers fully! The plagueing of the illness must stop here. It must! And I WILL recover! To the puny little bacteria/viruses in my body, be prepared for the fiercest battle ever! I am going to throw whatever I have on you guys and wipe you all out! Trust me I WILL!


when one falls ill, the optimum can never be achieved

Sunday, July 15, 2007

An Email of Thanks

Wrote an email to Sergeant David, one of my sergeant who is section 3 commander during my BMT days. Very very emo I guess! LOL. Got so much stuff to tell him, so much thank you to say, but due to my lousy Inggerish, just can't seem to express myself appropriately. Oh wells, as for the content, here goes:


Hey Sergeant David!

I miss BMT days a lot too! Last Friday, my camp dunno for what reason, had this karaoke session at the auditorium. And then there's this guy singing 'when you say nothing at all' (not sure if the title is correct. The one our plt sang for platoon sergeant and his girlfriend. Ha!). And then my heart really sank deep and I realise how much indeed I miss all the great times that we all had in BMT. I could easily picture all of us gathering at section 3, and then Jerald teaching us the song, and how we sang splendidly into the hp. It seems to feel like all this have happened just yesterday only. Oh wells..

I guess you should know, but just for your info, I'm now in Khatib camp training to become a gunnery assistant for artillery. Yup. But the main point is that only after coming here, had I then realise that BMT is simply a paradise. Plus you, being really such a nice sergeant, makes the place an even greater one. Initially, after leaving BMT, I thot I could at least get into command school. And then I thot I could at least make it into sispec, wanting to become a sergeant and then return to BMT and train new recruits. Coz I thot that I'm really fortunate to be a member of falcon platoon 4. Not wayang-ing, but sincerely from the bottom of my heart. I felt that I'm really blessed to have such great sergeants working together with us, training us up and stuff. And so I wanted to become one also, and continue to spread this niceness as well as possibly "enlightening" future recruits. But then of course, I didn't make it into command school afterall. Indeed I was disappointed, in fact utterly saddened when I saw my posting result. Yet I guess maybe afterall I truly lack something, maybe it's my physical fitness that is not up to standard yet. Possibly tonnes of reasons, but I guess I won't get to know the exact one. No choice right, suck thumb and serve. Haha.

I must say I had quite a difficult time settling in into AI. It was only after I had entered AI then did I fully appreciate your niceness, and efforts in making us happy and stuff! I must also apologise coz I realise that I certainly did take your niceness for granted in BMT. :( I mean it's like only the first day when we reported, and we were already screwed upside down by the sergeants there. Plus everyone's morale was also really low, coz most thot they were going to command sch, but have no idea why end up in this course. I guess I just won't be able to forget that first day, it simply felt like the end of the world. (Oh! We got punished ever so often on that day that the number of pushups we did easily amount to more than 100. Where got such stuff in BMT! lol) Yup. It just made me miss the days in BMT more!

One thing for sure, I'm really thankful to have you as one of our sergeants! Ha. The fact that you took the effort to book out, get a birthday cake for us, and book in again. I was really touched by that, and very grateful also! And then I simply love to just go around telling everyone how my birthday was being celebrated, and they would be so jealous! Hahaha.

Sergeant David, you are really the best of all sergeants around man! No amount of words can describe my heartfelt thanks and gratitude towards all that you have done for me. Like: Allowing me to go up to bunk to rest/sleep when I had diarrhoea, attB and that means supposedly to do fatigue duty instead. And then getting me a box of matchsticks to appease my worry as I didn't have something(lighter/matchsticks) in my pack 3 to light up those candles. Or else gathering us all and giving us your words of wisdom/encouragement and pushing us during that fieldcamp night, the one when we were all so shag after digging the shellscrape. Not forgetting during our first CPT1, with PTI J GOH! He making us stay in that push up position for what seems to be forever, and you came and did it beside me, holding it there as well. It was a huge encouragement! And spurred me on to endure as well. The list is just never ending man. Haha.

Sergeant David, you are truly a great commander/leader! You kept hope alive when all seemed to have ended. Once again, thank you so much! Sorry for all the ramblings above. Ha. And hope you are having a great time with the new recruits! Whichever platoon that is under you sure is fortunate. All the best and take care! :)

Regards,
Chuan Yuan




There are some parts where I guess I need to do some editing. Coz I may just type something wrongly, and not intentionally, but then get sued and then getting myself into serious trouble. Like legal prosecution. Haha. Afterall, some terms that I've included might be sensitive data and so should not be included? Whatever. I'll edit them when I have the time! LOL!



P.S. It has been edited slightly afterall. But minimal changes to retain the original flavour of the mail

Friday, July 13, 2007

Empty Inside

And so another 5 days in camp had just whizzed by like nobody's business. I was sitting on 171 just now, wearing my cv attire that I had worn when I booked in on Sunday. Somehow this funny feeling(thanks to the current book that I'm reading, Breaking the Time Barrier) of me having undergone time travelling occured! For a moment it just feels as tough I just had my dinner at my cousin's house(which happened on Sunday), and then left the camp for home(Today)! The 5 days seem never to have existed! And the best part is I can barely recall what I had done in that 5 days! Oh wells.

Seriously man! It upsets me greatly for having so much precious time wasted in camp. Precious youth wasted my friend! When I could actually use all this time to do something more constructive. Plus the fact that I'm currently in such a financially tight situation. It's really hard to survive just on 400 per month man! Especially when I want to boost my savings to a greater amount for the purchase of my entire flight gear! I could probably be using the time wasted to earn triple what I'm getting now, and make myself a happier person. Or better still, use the time to do some community service, like working with HFH and stuff!

But damn it! I simply can't. Especially this week, with all the tests and stuff. I have to just sit on the grass patch, do nothing else but wait! Wait, wait and still wait until it's my turn to use the equipment/commence my test! It's freaking hell horrible, and feels extremely dreadful just to see the seconds ticking by into mintues, then into hours. That one simple test, taking up only 15 minutes of my time, extends to a full day as I have to wait for my turn, and also for others to complete. Makes me completely miserable man. It's just like a man dying of thrist. He sees a beautiful spring in front of him, with fresh water flowing downwards. Yet he simply can't reach the water due to the impossible terrain, resulting in him to just helplessly stare at the fresh water flowing down into the muddy stream. You get what I mean.

Waste! It's a total waste. Life becomes so meaningless, just sitting down somewhere, waiting for it to flow away! I'm seriously just stoning the whole way through! Sighs. Which is why now I'm seriously aiming for 8 to 5. Yes, many says it's difficult for a combat fit to get it! But get it I will, whatever the means. I really cannot further imagine myself wasting the remaining 19 mths away. 19 mths of precious youth, of energy and vitality! I want my life back. I want my 19 mths spent proper, with energy expended rightfully and constructive work produced in the end!

Hope is all I have now. May my wish be granted.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Hey You

Madonna's video created in the support of Live Earth concerts.

I find the lyrics of the song extremely meaningful. And the video footage shows the impending need for us to act now, and save our planet home!

... - - - ... ... - - - ... ... - - - ... ... - - - ... ... - - - ...

Live Earth

Seriously great concert man! 24 hours of music and entertainment all around the globe! I must say this is one real different concert, a concert with an ultimate purpose to get every single soul living on this planet to save our own home. Watching the music video of "Hey You" by Madonna, the vivid pictures depicting horrendous situations that other parts of the planet are probably going through, even as when I'm typing, simply shows that we have to do something. Afterall, people living in urban areas like me, just cannot grasp the full picture as we simply lead an extremely comfortable life all this while. Yet our mere actions, like switching on the A/C, having so many lights on and etc, are most likely the primary cause for our climate to go bonkers!

I just feel so inspired after watching the concert! Plus all the short films that followed during advertisements. Indeed, the action of only one person may be small, yet if many follow suit and do Answer The Call, the multiplying effect would be so great, it certainly would contribute significantly towards saving our home.

We live on this planet. It is and has always been our home. Therefore we do have a duty to make our planet a "home sweet home"! Yet the ways in which we are growing certainly isn't sustainable. Simply look at the number of vehicles on the road in Singapore today, traffic jams seem to occur more frequently than before! Our rate of fossil fuel consumption, and the huge release of greenhouse gases, definitely will cause our planets' already deteriorating health to worsen at a quicker pace! Isn't it obvious just by looking at Singapore's SUNNY weather?!! It is surely undeniable that the sun seems hotter than ever these days. Just walking a few steps only and I'd begin to sweat like mad! Ha.

Hot gets hotter while the cold gets colder. People will then turn on their aircons/heaters, causing more greenhouse gas release and therefore more erratic weathers. Vicious cycle man! Whatever it is, pledge to do something now. It isn't that late now afterall. Remember, any action, no matter how small, will still help towards saving our earth! So stop waiting, or hesitating or whatsoever, but begin right NOW and make our home a better place to live in!


*My pledge*
1. Turn off the computer everyday
2. Unplug those chargers and stuff when not in use (helps to save tonnes of electricity as well)

Yup. I'll put in more when I've thought of them.


First love yourself, then you can love someone else.
If you can change someone else, then you have saved someone else.

Fickle

Yes! I've finally decided on a blog name! Took me 2 freaking long hours to do that. Like WTH. Damn fickle minded. Seriously can't stand myself for that! Oh wells.

Welcome me to the blogosphere. I think I'll just be posting whatever ramblings I have in mind for the time being. Skins, links and stuff, I'd certainly require some time to get that settled. Especially when I do not have the luxury of time to build up the blog. Anyway, it's really late, and I should visit lala land soon, before the eyebags get worse tmr.

Oh, below are some of the names that I was considering for my blog:

SOARINGSKY(the very first name that came to my mind, too bad it was already taken)
SOARINGHIGH
SOARINGTALL
SOARINGSPACE
SOAR
SKYHIGH
SKYTOWN
SKYCASTLE
SPACECASTLE
CRESENDO
HIGHAVION
SKYAVION(settled on this in the end)

Yup! It certainly was a much longer list than this one, but I can't recall the names that I had tested. Real fickle huh?!

Off to sleep! Live Earth concert rocks! Goodnight!