S\U-ed! Bye Econs! :(

Walking out of the tutorial room, my mind was just simply nothing but a blank. I know the paper was not really difficult, and that I am quite sure I would do rather well for it. Still, it was not a signal compelling enough to give me a light on where I should be heading. The difficult choice to make, whether to S\U the subject, continued to ensue in my mind.

I did not study very hard for the paper, I must admit that. Began studying only the day before, and by the time it was 3am, I had barely completed half the set of materials I have to go through. I knew by then, that I was quite screwed. Sleeping so late and so little did not do much to improve the situation any further. I felt so grumpy while heading to school, only to try and stuff down more information in my already way too saturated brain. It was only like 10 minutes before the test, did I manage to read through every single page of materials that I had to. Then Mr. Tutor came. At that point, I was tired but not sleepy, just having difficulty trying to stay focus. The paper arrived upon my desk, and within seconds, the test began. Honestly, I was panicking at that moment, for the paper was just simply too wordy for my comfort! You know, being an engineering student, having dealt with nothing but short, straight-forward, equation based questions, seeing so many words just makes it extremely daunting. Therefore, confidence level got a discount of 50% at that instant!

However, while working on the paper, I realised I could actually answer most of the questions! It was not so difficult as how other friends who have taken it told me so. Hence, the dilemma arising on whether I should S\U this subject or not! Hai! It's like I feel that with more practice, and putting in even greater effort, I should be able to do well for it! Considering that the test today was not that difficult. However, based on friends with similar backgrounds as I do, where they too did not take A level Econs, it is not worth it working hard for this subject, as at the end of the day, it seems that such folks will not reap what they sow. Working hard for this subject, in this case, due to inherent factors, may not necessarily grant you a good grade!

And that's where making a decision to S\U is really difficult! S\U, and I would feel that not only is it such a waste! But the uneasy feeling of what if I can actually do well?! Don't S\U, and I would be so overwhelm with regret if my result turns out to be unsatisfactory at the end of the day. Furthermore, it's only year 1 sem 1, and I'm already using this precious S\U resource! See all the complications?! Can really drive me mad man! :(

In the end, I went to Aerospace lecture, and decided to check that box! Considering the extreme low level of confidence I have for this subject, I told myself to better not risk it! By doing so, I guess it also means that I will have to choose my electives more carefully in future, choose those that I will be able to excel better! Oh wells. The pain that follows was still very much unavoidable. After all these weeks of effort, turning up for lectures and tutorials, working hard reading the textbook to grasp the concepts, it all seems like a waste when the box was checked! Hai. For now, I still have 48 hours to change my mind. Shall wait for the test's result, which hopefully will be emailed to me by tomorrow! Then again, I doubt it's going to affect my decision much.

Hai. What a difficult choice to make!